The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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