I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
