So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
