Umm I'm too high to move.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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