You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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