oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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