Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
