btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
