i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
