i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize