just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
