and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
