Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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