Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
