don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
