So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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