so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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