he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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