when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
