im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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