Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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