yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
