So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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