So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
