I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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