if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
