Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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