How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
