ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
