Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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