respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
