Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
