Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
