Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
