Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
