how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
