hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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