where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
