so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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