Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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