$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
