Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
