My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
