White coat. Heels.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
