Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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