So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
