i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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