I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sarcasm needs its own font
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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