i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
