Already got asked if we're dating
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
