I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
