I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
