imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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