Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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