Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
