nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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