no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
