His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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