Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
