I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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