Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
