JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just pee around me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
