Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
