I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
