did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
