I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
