let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
