turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
