you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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