My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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