so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
