Someone shit on the floor
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I supernannyed him into submission
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
