who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
that is very illegal...i love you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
