I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
