So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
