I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
