I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
