its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
two words...techno handjob
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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