Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
