she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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