You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
